I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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