I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
