We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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