Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
