Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
