I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
