if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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