i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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