HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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