I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize