Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
