After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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