so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
