He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
