I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
