We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
