forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
