Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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