U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
