I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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