apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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