Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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