Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
