I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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