I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
