She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
