does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
