So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
