I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
