he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
