i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I believe in your delicious
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize