So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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