ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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