i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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