Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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