with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
