Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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