and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ttyl tear gas
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
