You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
