...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
