I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
