I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
