in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
smell my finger.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
