When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
this hospital has no fireball
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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