"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
