you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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