Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
