If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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