Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
