I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
