His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
