Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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