I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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