she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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