how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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