i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
