She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize