your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Let's get the cat blown out
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
