Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've blown a few things in my day
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
