woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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