take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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